I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize