She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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