that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
