I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
