I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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