apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
