I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
The convent might be a nice break from real life
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
