Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
