I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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