i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Last time i carry you out of a forest
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
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