i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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