stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
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