I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
