Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
