I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
