he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
