Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
