I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Randomize
