the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
