My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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