Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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