Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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