Sober January is a disaster.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Randomize
