I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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