I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
