I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
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