Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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