so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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