Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
