I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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