sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
