Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
