i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
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