the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
