we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
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