mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
