Tell her she can't have a vagina
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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