Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
