He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
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