The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
