They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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