Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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