I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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