We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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