Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
