Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
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