I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Randomize