he wants to bone in the snuggie
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
