everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize