I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
