kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
