It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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