OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
