Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Randomize
