some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Randomize
