All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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