she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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