The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
