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all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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