yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
