That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
no you cant smoke seaweed
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Randomize
