Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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