Already got asked if we're dating
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
