exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
