shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
