I smell stomach acid.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Is it because I queefed?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
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