I bet he comes in French.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Four minutes until I can fart!
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
