Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize