Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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