you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
