She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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