My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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