Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
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