Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
