He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Randomize
