hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
